Today, Choose Something Different

Today, choose something different. It's my usual routine to come home for lunch. I make dinner which then becomes my lunch and dinner before returning to the office.

While things were simmering on the stove, I immediately grabbed my phone, my glasses, the remote control and plopped on the couch.  And just in that moment, I noticed silence.  Complete silence with just a few birds chirping outside. 

It felt like water to a very much dehydrated mind.

For some reason today, I decided that I just wanted to sit here. I just wanted to sit here in silence, rest into my body, close my eyes, lay my head back. I knew that if I turned on the TV and looked at my phone, I was just going to numb again. My mind, my body, my emotions. It's so easy. It's so easy to do. There are so many things around us to easily numb out and not even recognize we’re doing it.  It made me wonder how often all of us are numbing, to different degrees but still numbing.

I still grabbed for my phone but this time it was to listen to a meditation. 

It was time to choose something different.

I chose to listen to what my mind and body needed.  Take some time to meditate. 

Meditation for me helps give me an opportunity to check in with me.  To listen and give space for me. Sometimes it’s breaking out the Bible, saying a prayer, pulling out my mat for a slow yoga stretch, or pulling out my journal to let my mind go.  But today, I was being called to meditate.

I came across a meditation about opening with love to come to my heart, and just be there for me.  Sure enough, within five minutes, the tears start creeping up.  Then they came heavily.  Just flowing.  And I gave myself permission to just let it happen. Just let whatever was there to be there.  To not resist or fight but just give into it. Surrender to it.   To just let it come out.

And it felt so relieving.

So good. The meditation continued to talk about saying hello to the me that's in here.  It specifically asks to come to the softer me rather than the me that’s guarded, contained, hardened.

The real, authentic me. It felt so good to find that person that's underneath all of the crap and the bullshit.  Of every day worries, fears, comparisons, judging, blaming, putting down, or beating myself up.  It was instead this me that's just here with me wanting to be felt and heard and listened too.

That softer innocent, wondrous me. The me that doesn't have to carry or want to carry that anymore. I can't tell you how good it feels to know that I'm still here. I'm still here after all this time! The me that came into this world without all the baggage. The hurtful words.  The me who truly knows that's all I need to be.  That it’s enough to just be me. And knowing that I can come to that part of me any time, every day.  I'm just here. She's here.

Even more importantly, I can trust her. I know that there's truth there. There's a knowing of what I want, what I believe, what I want to be. 

I don't have to change or be different for anyone. And all the answers are here within my spirit, my soul.

It's just a greater knowing.  A different knowing.  And there's no other way to find the answers except within.  Allowing myself to feel emotionally, feel physically. It doesn't have to be scary.  I just need to surrender each time. It is so freeing.  I'm so glad that I chose to move in, and instead listen.  To feel instead of numbing.  There's no reason to numb. There's no reason to fear it.  What's inside.  There's such a yearning once you reach inside.  You realize how much you’re longing, waiting to hear, and to be heard.  And you have the power to do It.

What do you choose today?

See if you can just take two steps today that keeps you from numbing:

Step 1: Recognize what activity you choose to numb. Is it your phone, TV, work, sleep?

Step 2: Choose something different in that moment. Close your eyes and rest into yourself, no matter how brief. 

LET ME NOTE HERE, that being in silence and moving inward is not always easy or even beneficial for everyone. In fact, silence can be very scary for someone who group up in a home that was often loud, chaotic, or constantly needing to be aware of your surrounding for fear of what may happen next.  So, please, if this sounds familiar, don’t try this on your own. 

It doesn’t mean it can’t happen.  It just means, you need to take it slow, have some understanding of how your nervous system works so that you don’t move into a triggered fight-flight state, or into collapse, shutdown, or depression. 

If you have a history of trauma, it’s important to work with someone who can help you understand your nervous system.  How to get to know and listen to your body.  Teach you about the mind-body connection.

If you would like to know more, please contact me for a free consultation.