Is this loss you’re feeling?

All week I was feeling so heavy, couldn’t get motivated, had no energy.  Each day I wanted to stay in my jammies all day and under the blanket.   

But I did get up.  I went to the office and being with my clients did help to bring some normalcy for that hour.  I truly enjoyed being with them even through a computer screen.  But it was the in-between where heaviness and sorrow would return.  The office was so quiet.  The building was so quiet.  No ladies' meeting in the bathroom.  I look out the window and the parking lot was only a third full.  Silence was deafening.

First week of COVID, Anxiety.  Second week, Loneliness and Loss.

And it finally hit me yesterday.  I was getting ready to see my son who now lives with my parents, and then realized, “Should I?”  I went to the grocery story the day before.  What if I have the virus and don’t know it?  There are other family members in the house that are more at risk.  It was such an awful feeling to decide, do I not see my son and for how long? But if I take a chance and I lose a family member because of it, how could I ever forgive myself?

I JUST BROKE!

First realizing I may not be able to see my son for I don’t know how long.  But to lose someone….  The tears were overwhelming.  I realized how much I was carrying all of this in for the past week.

The sense of loss hit me like a punch in the stomach.

I know that I can’t be the only one going through this or feeling this way.

So please, give yourself some grace.  Some patience.  Some self-compassion.  This is so hard and even harder not knowing for how long.

I don’t mean to stay in bed all day and wallow.  But let allow yourself to feel sad, angry, cry.  Don’t feel guilty if you’re wanting a break from the kids.  It doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent or that you don’t love your kids.  This isn’t easy.  If it hasn’t hit you yet, remember we have a few more weeks.  I don’t mean to be negative, but instead am reminding you that it’s okay that you feel the way you feel.

I get it, I hear you, and I feel you.  I am with you in spirit.  Please, Please

Take care of you too!